DREDLOCKED!

The Biden Combover Bounce Knots Race

by Steve Young

There’s been little question that John McCain has been winning the diminishing mane coverup contest with Barack Obama. McCain’s attempts to arrange purposely overgrown strands from distant segments of the scalp over the badly balding crown may seem a sign of a lack of self-esteem.

While some youngsters who have yet to see their curl-less destiny think of the effort as a covering the obvious with the more obvious, in reality, it is seen by the majority of men sharing the problem and the baby-boomer women who have learned to accept it, as a sign of maturity. And maturity that includes knowing how to please the electorate, though perhaps not for as long as they used to.

Clearly, Obama’s full head of hair, though closely cropped, sends off crippling messages of inexperience.

With the addition of Joe Biden’s foreign policy experience, comes a combover that screams years of hair-pulling experience and wisdom. And with Mitt Romney’s overgrown mop of pretentiousness ready to enter the fray, at this point you can pretty much call the race dredlocked.

That his is less a combover than a comb-back, Biden still brings the Obama ticket tressless credibility in a the battle of who is less Bush. And you have to give it to both McCain and Biden for not going in to the what-were-you-thinking rear-hair pullforward.

Still, Obama has history on his side as there hasn’t been a president as hair-challenged at McCain since Eisenhower, and Ike never felt it necessary to camouflage the barren palette with an embroidery harvested from some remote perimeter.

Either way, it could have been worse. He could have picked The Donald.

Award-winning TV writer, author, hair-arranged Steve Young blogs at theappropriately named http://www.steveyoungonpolitics.com/

Joe Biden's Personal Tragedy Isn't Used as a Reason to Vote for Him as McCain Does

by Sandy Sand

Joe Biden knows to keep his personal tragedies out of politics.

Joe Biden lost his first wife and daughter in an auto accident, and his two sons were critically injured. But unless asked, Biden doesn’t talk about it, nor does he use it as a giant crutch, sympathy getter or reason to be elected to office.

I can’t say the same thing about John “I Was a Prisoner of War, You Know” McCain.

McCain resorts to answering questions on everything, about which he seems to not know anything, with … you know, I was a prisoner of war in Vietnam for five-and-a-half years.

I was one of the first to say, publicly and without fear of condemnation, that being a prisoner of war does not qualifications to be president make.

Traumatic as it was, it only qualifies McCain to be a prison camp warden, or -- something he has never really done -- speak out for veterans.

Oh, he says he has, but he hasn’t.

If he had, the V.A.’s veterans’ services wouldn’t be in the crap-ass shape they are in today.
If he were an outspoken advocate for vets and had authored voluminous pieces of V.A. legislation supporting vets, V.A. hospitals and out-patient quarters would not be rat-/mold-infested hell holes.

Vets would have the same or better health care than what McCain, and all congressmen have. Vets wouldn’t have to wait months for care or jump through hoops to receive that care, which they then are made to pay for in part or wholly.

A vet who received a signing bonus, and who has been injured so severely while serving in Iraq or Afghanistan that he can no longer serve, would not be asked to return a prorated portion of his signing bonus.

But, most of all, McCain would have been the loudest voice demanding mental health services for returning vets.

Of course, it’s pretty damn hard to do that when you still won’t admit that you are suffering from post traumatic distress syndrome.

Electing McCain will not only be four more years of the same disastrous Bush policies, but it will also be four more years of having the equivalent of another dry-drunk in the White House.

For those who don’t know, a dry-drunk is an alcoholic who quit drinking without the benefit of counseling to see why they became a lush in the first place. It would appear that both McCain and Bush, without the benefit of counsel, turned their unresolved problems into “make war on everything and anything.”