Unprecedented “Get Out The Nuts” Vote Leads To Bachman Win in Minnesota

by Steve Young

After suggesting that Barack Obama had anti-American views in an exchange three weeks ago with MSNBC host Chris Matthews, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) told the American Psychiatric Journal Thursday that she was “extremely grateful that we have enough crazy people” in Minnesota who “sent a signal that nitwits have just as much belief in the American dream as people who have finished the fifth grade.”

In a bogus phone interview, Bachmann said she was gratified that voters in her district didn’t let the media intervene in the race, “by believing my actual hate-laden words.”

“If the liberal-elite-media would spend less time on gotcha facts and focus on the misinformation from radio talk shows perhaps we’d have a better country with less hatred and less people who look different than the America I remember.”

Bachmann who won by three points over Democratic challenger Elwyn Tinklenberg, also gave credit to her extremist support who showed that “racist Minnesotans were willing to take dragging people of color behind their pick-ups into the voting booth.”

“I think that’s a huge leap forward in the healing between Americans and people who say their Americans but obviously are different,” said Bachmann.

“We focused on three voting blocs of the Minnesotans who were totally ignored by Tinklenberg,” said Bachman strategy chief, David Duke.

“Those who would believe that anyone whose name ended in ‘berg’ could be related to Al Franken and his kind, those who have had their rights stripped away by the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and those who still needed help tying their shoes.”

“Hopefully now we can put all this bickering between Americans behind us and get on with the important business of country,” said Bachman. “Restoring the Dred Scot ruling.”

Breakdown of Bachmann Support
Stupids 35%
Racists 31%
Lobotomy Patients 6%
Anti-Semites 15%
Militias 22%
Deaf 6%
O’Reilly Folks™ 11%
Institutionalized 13%
Lucid (39%)

Steve Young is and comedy writer, award winning author and posts at the appropriately named steveyoungonpolitics.com