From Sandy’s “I Can’t Really Take Cooking Seriously” Book

by Sandy Sand

I don’t care what the perky TV chefs say. Cooking is a chore, so I try to make it as easy and unserious as possible.

Step One: Kick everyone out of the kitchen; they only get in the way.
Step Two: Invite them in to do the grunge chores like washing, chopping, grating and cleaning up. They ate, didn’t they?

Be sure to leave the kitchen while they’re making a mess of your kitchen; it will save you a lot of grief.

This recipe is dedicated to my friend John, who if he lived closer than a million miles away, I’d run over a few cheese balls I just made to him -- okay, they’re half made at the moment. Hopefully he’ll forward it to one of his kids to whip up, or maybe he’ll try making them himself. At least grate the cheese.

It’s Christmas Eve day and these recipes are at the top of my family’s favorites’ list.

Devilishly Good Eggs
Cheddar Cheese Balls to Die For (as in cholesterol heaven)

Get up at 2 a.m. and have your favorite newspaper Web site be down and after perusing everything else, wander around the wonderfully quiet house looking for some constructive trouble to get into.

Start hard boiling (hard cooking as the snobs like to say) 10 eggs to bedevil. They’ll be cooked by the time you get done preparing the cheese balls.

Why 10 eggs you ask? Because the deviled egg serving dish I searched the internet for three weeks to find won’t hold any more than that.

After about as long as it took me to write this, around 25 minutes…pour off hot water from eggs and rinse well in cold water. Makes them easier to peel. Let stand in cold water until you’re ready to use them.

Get out the trusty hand grater, because the processor is to noisy. Remember, it’s now 3 a.m.

Gather ingredients:
8 oz. medium cheddar
8 oz. sharp cheddar (or your favorite strength)
2 sticks unsalted butter, melted
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ tsp. salt
1 packet dry onion soup mix

After finding the flour which you haven’t used for months, go on a hunting party for the sifter until you realize it broke and you threw it out more than a year ago when you temporarily lost your kitchen to the remodelers. Use a strainer as a sifter, which make a wonderful snowy -- appropriate to the holiday -- mess on the counter.

Now you’re ready to start.

Grate cheese, toss with all dry ingredients. Cover with foil and stick in fridge.
Take a half hour to rest your arm from all that grating, because it’ll be all tingly and feeling like its going to fall off.

Turn off simmering eggs, cover tightly with foil and let them finish hard cooking in the steamy hot water.

After you’ve rested and when you feel like it, preferably when “they” are up to help with the really boring part, mix two melted sticks of unsalted butter into dry mixture until well blended.

Get “them” to form the cheese mixture into a zillion ¼-inch balls, placing each ball on a cookie sheet.

Put parchment on another cookie sheet, place the balls you intend to use immediately on sheet and put in fridge until you’re ready to bake them at 350 degrees for about 12 minutes, or until they’re golden, bubbly, brown.

Put the remaining balls on the cookie sheet into the freezer. When completely frozen, [there’s nothing like frozen balls; they’re almost as good as Alex Baldwin’s Schvetty rum balls] transfer them to a zippy freezer bag, where they’ll stay usable for up to six months…if they last that long.

Freezing them before bagging keeps them separated, so you don’t wind up with a big cheese blob that you have to re-ball.

Serve balls hot out of the oven. Apple or pear slices make great go-withs. Oh hell, forget them. They’re healthful and this is a holiday treat.

Now for the devilishly good eggs.

Reminder: Peel the shells off the eggs.

Cut each egg in half lengthwise, remove yolks to a bowl, mash with your favorite ingredients: pickle relish, finely diced onion and/or celery, garlic, seasoned salt, salad dressing…whatever.

I have a family of purists, so I use just a little more than enough mayo to glue the yolks together and salt.

Refill white halves with the yolk mixture, and if you’ve done it right you’ll have a couple of left over whites…my favorite part.

Sprinkle filled halves with a little paprika and a few parsley flakes, and they’ll look prettier than a Christmas card and be irresistible.

Refrigerate until ready to serve, that is if they survive the trip to the fridge without half of them going missing.

Bon appetite!

And have fun making the hors d’ouvres, because now you have to gather your strength to make dinner.