Obama Names ‘The South Shall Rise Again’ President to Speak at Inauguration

by Sandy Sand

Feeling that Rick Warren wasn’t enough to prove he means what he says about talking with those with whom he disagrees, Barack Obama asked another controversial person to speak at his inauguration.

In an astonishing move that sent the country reeling and leaving most loquacious pundits speechless, President-elect Barack Obama invited the self-ordained preacherman and president of The South Shall Rise Again, Langford T. Rednecker, to give the second invocation at his inauguration.

Saying that he is passionately determined to bring together people of opposing views, Obama defended his choice of Rednecker to speak at the inauguration.
“It’s beside the point that Rednecker is a disgusting individual, who is still living in the 19th Century, and wants to re-enslave all African-Americans or kill us off and secede from the Union.

“This is still a free country and he’s free to express his opinions and goals no matter how outrageous and offensive they are,” Obama added, “everyone should have a place at the discussion table.”

In that light, Obama also said that after he’s sworn into office he will arrange for Warren and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to sit across the table from each other and have three cups of tea as suggested by radio talk host Thom Hartmann to discuss their differences.

At the end of the meeting Warren will immediately smite Ahmadinejad with his sword right across his throat.

Having called for the assassination of Ahmadinejad and finding no takers, in a prepared statement Warren will say: If you want to do something right, you have to do it yourself.

In keeping with Obama’s determination to expand meetings of un-like-minded people, he’s arranged for discussions among devotees of feng shui to meet with proponents of Chinese modern, French provincial and new wave ultra modern decorators, which he feels will prove to be very colorful.

He’s more than likely barking up the wrong tree in suggesting that dog people can meet with cat people and not scratch each others eyes out.

Separate cages will be needed for the zoo people versus the game park people.
Jerry Springer will moderate the debate between beer drinking, wife swapping trailer park trash and members of the Emily Post Society.

Jeraldo Rivera will anchor debates amongst chair-throwing political candidates.

Speculators agree that it will be a cold day in hell if lovers of chocolate ice cream can reach an accord with vanilla or strawberry lovers. Resolute that they are correct, fans of Chunky Monkey and Chubby Hubby have refused to participate.

In discussing the upcoming Difference of Opinion conferences, Obama Press Secretary B. Levy Mee, said no meetings will be scheduled between Cubs and Sox or Yankees and Mets fans.

“It’s just too dangerous,” Mee said.

Because of the recent shoe throwing incident in Iraq and the public outrage at Obama’s selection of the gay-woman-hating Warren and the black-hating, white supremacist Rednecker to give the invocations, the Secret Service has issued orders that all inaugural attendees will have their shoes Crazy glued to their feet.